Tarnished Bridges

Navigating life is difficult; outside of God’s will, seemingly impossible. When we think of the important issues, relationships with others make it to the top of the list. There are so many variables that comprise the wholeness of a friend, mother, sister/brother, family, etc. With every dynamic, “Biblical Bridges” to these people are essential. But in reality, many get tarnished or burned very quickly then left to ashes, or none get built at all. So, how does the Bible frame this?

There are many wise and insightful verses to help believers develop then lovingly maintain a Biblical Bridge. 

Friend:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. 

Mother:

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:10-29. 

Sister/brother:

“But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his sister/brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his sister/brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”

Family:

“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8. 

In each of these examples, there’s a fundamental truth that, when carried out, can create and maintain a Biblical Bridge effectively while utilizing the entire Bible as THE GUIDE to healthy, very deep and meaningful relationships. These Biblical Bridges are pleasing to God because they’re lived out in His will. 

Sometimes, we need to take a step back and look at all the bridges in our lives. In what condition are they? Do they look polished, shiny and golden? Or, are they tarnished with patina like brass or copper and in dire need of polish? Or worse, is there a heap of ash as a result of a life lived under individual authority and not of God? What about the ones that never get built? For the sake of brevity, let’s look at those Tarnished Bridges. 

A Tarnished Bridge is an illustration of a relationship - whether of many years or just a few short months, that has gone southbound and (if left unchecked) headed to becoming a Burned Bridge. It’s one that is a result of neglect, misunderstanding, judgment, insecurity, or lack of respect or Biblical love. The ‘connector’ waxes and wanes and without examination, might falter and burn. Or, if it’s still standing, has so much patina and soot that it’s unrecognizable and you have to ask yourself, “What is this bridge doing in my life? Do I polish it up or burn it down?” 

Before you go and make rash decisions about burning down bridges, what does the Bible say? 

When a southbound relationship feels like its embers are igniting, we need to look at God’s will before we allow the bridge to slowly burn down. The Bible has a lot to say about our bridges, and what God wants for us seems (at times) counterintuitive. But, to burn seems easier than to laboriously polish, but to polish is gloriously more rewarding than standing before a heap of ashes! 

When dealing with a fellow Christian, an appeal with discernment is the beginning of removing the soot and tarnish. The Bible is clear that when we’re “in Christ,” we live in a spiritual condition that is God’s will over our own. And when we step out of this condition in our relationships and live under our own authority, we’re on the Southbound Road. And while on the Southbound Road, it can feel like a complete departure from the Narrow Road! Then, when examining bridges come into focus, they look nothing like Biblical Bridges - at all. 

The only solution to fixing those bridges in tarnished condition is God’s WORD. Here’s a few of the many verses needed to repair our bridges: 

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6. 

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” 1 Peter 3:8.  

“And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” James 3:18. 

“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:25-28. 

To survey any bridge is to take stock in its progress or degradation. Everyone wants to feel like their bridges are in tip-top shape! However, stepping back and adjusting those Biblical lenses can reveal quite a bit of weather-worn neglect. Just like a house, consistent care is a necessity. And, when we shepherd it in a Godly way and strive for excellence, it will show! Otherwise, the condition will speak for itself. To have a conviction of caring for our relationships means avoiding empty words; we must leap into action! My Uncle Jack once said, “I know when a person cares for me because I see it in action.” This can’t be stated any more plainly. 

Sometimes, bridges are worth restoring with Biblical rescue. To use God’s Word and  know where we stand on the condition of our bridges is the pinnacle of wisdom! 

I’ve struck quite a few matches either prematurely or when said bridge was on the verge of collapse. When a relationship lands on the Southbound Road, and you’re unable to resuscitate it with God’s Word, perhaps it’s time to let go and trust God to give peace of mind when the smoke billows in the distance. And always keep forgiveness at the center of it all. Just because a bridge no longer stands or is met with “limited access,” it doesn’t mean that incompatibility is a sin. No my friend….it does not. 

To be entangled with a disingenuous person can be quite the challenge. And exhausting all possibilities of repair must have an end. At times, we may feel extreme guilt from letting go of an enormously difficult person. Some have said that this type of relationship, in its co-dependency, can be addictive. But, it can’t be helpful for either party as the Bible pulls it into a 20/20 perspective - at least that’s the design. 

Allow His Word full access and see a Godly retrofitting that will fortify and yield amazing growth.

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33. 

“Then once more you shall see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve him”  Malachai 3:18. 

“Trusting in a treacherous man in times of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips.” Proverbs 25:19. 

This is a huge topic, and every possible bridgepoint can’t be addressed in one brief blog. But if this opens up examination, then it was worth the effort. 

In summary, we should lean into God’s Word for support on our fragile and vulnerable bridges. And if you find yourself in front of an ash heap, ask yourself, “Why have I not extinguished the fire?” Or, “Is this bridge ready for a Biblical retrofitting?” In either case, both parties at the end of the bridge must be in agreement. And true to Biblical Gospel form, the aforementioned bridge must be built on unity, peace, and love! That is the bridge that God built.