Worldly love is often uniformly described in a lofty, ethereal way that has no godly parameters nor foundation; thus, the “goal post” is ever-moving because of its fluidity. A love that moves frequently through the Waters of Wandering Ways (which is inevitable) is never truly sustainable and more akin to affection. This kind of so-called love is always dependent upon the other person’s behavior and not a deep godly love; we’ll see this fleshed out later in this post.
The challenge is to read through The Hallmarks of Affection for an examination of our own beliefs about love. Do they even come close to the love Jesus Christ has taught all believers? Do we emulate even just ¼ or ⅛ of His teaching? Probably not!
What exactly are The Hallmarks of Affection? More often than not, this type of affection is far and away beyond godly love as we’ll carefully examine.
Descriptors of The Hallmarks of Affection (although not exhaustive):
Affection is fickle and depends on how others treat you. It will never bring people closer in any meaningful or sustainable way, and the roots will never run deep. It incites a great deal of inconsistencies in behavior, and retaliation flares when affection isn’t reciprocated as expected.
It requires control over the object of affection with high, unattainable expectations. There are strings attached even though it’s verbally stated, “There are no strings in my love for you!”
This so-called love is critical of others’ demonstration of so-called love and has little room for patience when disappointment in others encroaches. It very easily uses the word love even when feeling hate or hostility towards others who aren’t behaving accordingly; it’s nothing less than a verbal “love bomb” with no true depth.
The physical display of affection is often misunderstood or perceived as love. We won’t get into the issue of lust in this post, but physical affection isn’t love. It easily severs relationships, punishes and needs affirmation from the object of affection while insisting "love" is always the motivation.
It’s NOT demonstrative as in “love in action” but is consistently verbal while having almost no tolerance for others’ shortcomings. It talks about others because of offenses having been committed while keeping track records of these offenses. It gets bored and tired of people very easily and does not truly forgive.
It creates an extreme victim mentality through perceived rejection and abuse because their idea of love isn’t being met in their unrealistic, idyllic way. And lastly and sadly, it will eventually abandon anyone if demands or needs aren’t met.
In contrast to worldly affection or what is considered love, let’s look at the Biblical definition of love.
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The Apostle Paul, in talking to the church at Corinth, defines godly love to fellow believers this way:
“Love is patient, kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthian 13:4-7.
And to the church at Ephesus, Paul goes on to say this:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
In Galatia, Paul writes to believers in this way of godly "love in action:”
“And We, as a tree planted by streams of water, will provide shade and rest to others who are burdened or are in need.” Galatians 6:2.
All three verses remove the SELF and place others out front and center. These examples show little to no room for the attributes of affection when demonstrating what the crux of godly love sincerely is.
We haven’t even touched on the profound impetus of Jesus’ sacrificial love that launches chronic, self-focus into the stratosphere! If only we could apply His teachings 24/7!
One of the most profound and healing messages of Jesus, which at first glance seems counterintuitive, is to put the self LAST to become the FIRST to serve (others).
He said quite plainly, “So the last will be first and the first will be last.” Matthew 20:16.
Jesus was a servant leader who equipped the saints to serve with joy! This is a spiritual and supernatural work of God in the lives of believers, not a flesh-based work mustered up with selfish motivation for gain.
In this newfound juxtaposition of taking focus off the SELF, we see that when we keep our eyes on the needs of others, there is an incredible shift that jettisons the idea that self-love means self-focus or chronic self-care to the umpteenth degree. Sacrificial love is one of the highest order!
How many times have we heard, “I need to care for myself before I can even think about caring for others?” What happens is that a person whose focus is on the self (chronically) gets bogged down attempting to reach the pinnacle of perfected self-care. They also believe this is where peace enters and relieves them from all stress and anxiety in life. This is not so as we’ll see in the Bible.
If a believer does a “test drive” by focusing on the love for a neighbor or friend who needs a little care, then something different is experienced. A move from the self to serving another causes a shift in perspective; it will logically, but what about spiritually?
God says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4. He also says, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” Hebrews 13:16.
We are to be followers of Christ and that leads to LIFE! This is a spiritual power that transcends our limited thinking. And God blesses the work we do for him sacrifically in the love that He gives us and the love we give others.
Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him DENY himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.” Denying oneself means to love others while loving and following Christ faithfully. If we follow His ways, we are a disciple. If we do not, we follow our path (and ways) which can lead to a life outside of God’s will and protection.
In summary, godly love looks monumentally different from worldly love (affection) and the height of this godly love is sacrificial. This is not to suggest that any of us can do this perfectly; we can’t and won’t. Just like Israel in the desert, we can be stiff-necked in rebellion even when we do our best to follow Christ. In godly love, the heart change (God’s work) is the desire to do it by placing others before ourselves. And God blesses us when we honor Him by following His instructions. This is for our good from a GOOD, GOOD Father! Ask in prayer, meditate on His instructions concerning caring for others, and then wait. As He has patience for us, we need to do so in return.
The Gospel is this:
Jesus put everyone before Himself and died sacrifically on the cross to show His love and save us from sin and death. And in His resurrection, He conquered death and gave believers life and a path, albeit narrow, with safe passage spiritually for our time on earth. And in our gratitude and thanks, we follow His teachings and ask God to give us strength to “take up the cross daily and follow Him.”
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